As life goes on, we find there are things we always wanted to achieve, but never did. This writer never graduated from college, though he wanted to. His life in formal, higher education was intermittent. He would work to earn enough money to go to college, then he would return to college until the money was about to run out, and then he would bum around with beatniks, until he had to return to work. During the work stage of this succession, he would live with his parents and work in a steel fabricating plant. He would work on an assembly line, assembling vending machines, office equipment, and even farm implements. During lunch hours he learned to play Sheephead, Schafkopf in German. Two experts, Gustav and Werner, were happy to teach him to play. The reason for their happiness was, that they would take a few extra coins home every day. At first, this writer lost every day but, as the year wore on, the experts were seeing plays they had never seen before, and this writer was taking home the extra coins—neither Gustav or Werner would admit to losing to a beginner, they were too sheepish. This writer learned more than Sheephead, and a few new tricks. He learned that if you want to improve, you have to compete with your betters. This practice applies to more than competition. It applies to everything in life, including spiritual aspiration. To grow, one must take on hard problems. Sometimes this means problems for which there is no solution. For example, the origin of most of the corpus of mathematics can be traced back to three insoluble problems: squaring a circle, doubling a cube, and trisecting an angle.

Spiritual philosophy has its own conundrums to be tackled. They are important because they are about life and ultimate reality, and not mere intellectual pursuit. One of these problems is called “the problem of the self.” It is a problem which has troubled, theologians, philosophers and, especially, seekers, for millennia. Different religions have different views about it, and how to approach it. As Christian Mystical aspirants, it is to our advantage to know at least a little bit about it, for the times when we encounter it in our inner lives.

Why should there be a problem about selfhood? On first view, it seems counter to Rosicrucian philosophy to think there is. In Rosicrucian literature, soul power (gleaned from experience,) a creative mind and waking, objective, self-conscious are definite goals of the evolutionary creation. If these goals are true, and they are fundamental, it is through them that we should be able to determine if there is a problem about selfhood. Let’s begin with experience.

It is self-evidently certain, that we experience consciousness. The basic self-evident nature of consciousness proves its existence to us with, or without, question. No one, as yet, has ever completely doubted consciousness successfully. Experience of consciousness can be subtle and illusory. If one closes one’s eyes and focusses inwardly, one experiences something like a more pure consciousness. This immediate experience seems boundless. It could be eternal, since there is no concept of time unless one introduces it. There is no concept of space either, since one could be anywhere, and be conscious in this way. Though approaching pure consciousness, it is meaningless to us. It is meaningless because, at this time in our evolution, we find meaning in the consciousness of things and states of being. We say things like “I am conscious because I feel cold” or “I am conscious because I am happy.” When we open our eyes, we return to this state of relative consciousness.

We know that consciousness is variable because we have memories of times when we were more, or less, conscious than now. Adepts in consciousness tell us that there is only consciousness, that there is no non conscious state. Even what we call unconsciousness is but a low degree of consciousness. If there were a non conscious state, how could we be conscious of it? Nothing can come out of such a kind of non being. Because of memory, we know that we have passed out of unconsciousness, into the state of consciousness we are now experience. Memory plays a large role in consciousness, but the basic nature of memory, and its relation to consciousness, is beyond the scope of this essay. As we are are looking at consciousness, in this moment, we see that memory is a major factor in self-consciousness, because what we call self has been constant in the continuity of our waking consciousness, no matter what the grade of that consciousness is. The self we experience today, is the same self we experienced yesterday. We are indirectly aware of self-consciousness, when others report identical consciousness of identical experiences from their memories. We know that we are agents of consciousness, as are others. Though meager, this minuscule awareness of general consciousness will have to suffice for now, as we turn our attention more in the direction of self-consciousness.

Every day we enhance our appreciation of self-consciousness. The value of self-consciousness in everything in our lives, even simple things, is important. Take music for example. It is marvelous to listen to a good recording, of a good performance, of a good composition. If one is aware, with a technical awareness, of what the composer and the instrumentalists have done, the experience is richer. However, recorded music, no matter how well done, can never compare to hearing the same music live. In live music, the spirit expressed through the composition comes to life, and the listener comes to life in that spirit. It is a spirit to spirit communication. One is tempted to think a live performance is the epitome of musical experience. It isn’t. Playing an instrument or singing as part of a performance, is superior to merely listening. In performing one is living more within the spirit of the music, and the spirit of the performer becomes alive, because it isn’t passive, as when one is merely listening. Is there a better experience than this? Yes. Playing a piece of music that one has composed exceeds playing something from another composer, even if the piece is only a little ditty. When one is performing one’s own composition, one is self-conscious of everything in the piece. One is part of the piece. Knowing what every note and nuance means, and how the spirit is brought through it, as both composer and performer, is an incomparable musical experience. In this, there is no doubt about the supreme value of self-consciousness.

In each rebirth, we awaken to self-consciousness in stages. The stages are recapitulations of previous evolutionary experiences, designed to bring us to the human state wherein self-consciousness is possible. These stages coincide with the births of our vehicles of consciousness, developed in past evolutionary work. The Spirit, the Self, identifies successively with each vehicle of consciousness as it is born, until it can experience and know itself as itself. During the first seven years of life, only the dense, physical body has been born. In the first period the Self identifies with this body. If the dense physical body of a toddler has been cut, for example, its very being is jeopardized in its consciousness, its identity has been harmed or threatened. It reacts accordingly, which is quite different from the way an adult would react to the same injury. Around age seven, when the permanent teeth begin to come in, the vital body is born. Then the septenary period of rapid growth begins. The Self identifies through growth. Those measurements of height on the door posts are deeply important to the developing individual. They are a self-accomplishment. To tell a child of this age “eat your spinach or you won’t grow up to be big and strong,” as is often done, is to threaten its identity. At puberty the desire body is born and the Spirit identifies with it. The desire body, with its demands, curbs the activity of the vital body and growth slows until it stops. In this stage everyone is a romantic. One needs only to listen to teen pop music for a few minutes, to verify this. Emotion is the all. Hurt feelings are taken as an injury to one’s being. At majority the concrete mind is born. At this stage of evolution, the Spirit now functions directly within the concrete mind. The spirit has self-control of its vehicles in proportion to its awakening in the past. The self, through the mind, takes control of the emotions, i.e., if one doesn’t get stuck in the emotional stage, and has not healthfully grown out of it. There is a danger of getting stuck in any stage. Evolution, in large and small, is always progressive and it behooves one to progress with it. When one identifies with one’s concrete mind, a refutation of a line of thought, can be as serious to the Self as a cut is to the toddler. It is not until one can rise above any form of identification, with any of the vehicles of consciousness, that one can be self-conscious. This usually happens after age twenty-eight, if it happens at all.

Because it is possible to transcend a vehicle of consciousness, doesn’t mean transcendence will happen. Recapitulatory reawakening in the stages of development accompanying the births of our vehicles is mandatory. It happens to all of us because it is work which we all have accomplished in our evolutionary past, and are carrying into the present. It could be called evolutionary momentum. It continues on its own. Some have preferences for one vehicle or another, and some even become attached to one vehicle or another, but neither of these stances is desirable for evolutionary success, which requires adaption, and progress, without attachment. We, the Spirits or Selves, have reached the human stage. As humans we are on the threshold of becoming creators, and we are ready to leave behind our evolutionary careers as creatures. In this state, each of us has some degree of freedom, depending on how well we have worked during our evolutionary past. Creative work is spiritual, and spiritual activity is free and voluntary. We are not coerced into spirituality. “Freely ye have received, freely give.”

Some do not transcend identification with the mind, to identify with themselves as spiritual beings. Such a choice is not perverse. It is not stiff necked rebellion. It is usually a matter of ignorance. One chooses the worldly life, and embraces it as ultimate reality, while ignoring spiritual matters. Most people insist that they are self-conscious. They probably are, but they may be mistaken as to degree, because self-consciousness is relative. One is more or less self-conscious. The degree of self-consciousness is best determined from within. The Self determines value.

One must practice, or exercise, self-consciousness to awaken it. It doesn’t just happen of its own accord. Most humans have little, if any, awareness of the scope and spiritual glory of the evolutionary creation of which they are part. Many recognize genius, but they don’t think they possess it. If told they are gods in the making, many doubt it, even though Christ, the author of their religion, declared it. A few have experienced momentary, non volitional baptisms of the Holy Spirit, to encourage spiritual, self-conscious development. Even among them, there is an insecure lapse into hardshell fundamentalism for protection, instead of enthusiastically pursuing a vigorous spiritual life. That someone can be continuously self-conscious in the Holy Spirit, such that they can speak all languages like a native, or perform miraculous healings, is a fiction to most. Being told that it is one’s duty to earnestly work toward those goals, even meets stubborn resistance. When it comes to pursuing spiritual development, many of us are not much different from the unwilling prophets of the Old Testament. Nonetheless, spiritual self-consciousness is a pearl of great price, worthy of our attention. Trying to understand the Self, from the outlook of transcendental philosophy, might help us.

The Universal Spirit seeks waking objective, self-consciousness in macrocosm, just as we do in microcosm. The quest for self-consciousness is a function of divine purpose. The Self is a spiritual entity to this end. It is an objectification of the Universal Spirit, within the Universal Spirit. It is a being, a spiritual being, within spiritual being. The objectification is a threefold conception. Our Selves are microcosmic, divine ideas; the macrocosmic Self, we call God, is also an idea. Spirit is spirit, but God is a conception, a divine conception of the highest order. Mathematics provides an excellent analog. Just as a triangle is the simplest, straight-line object in space in any number of dimensions, the threefold spirit is the simplest spiritual objectification in any dimension, or number of dimensions..

In the Rosicrucian philosophy, we learn that the threefold spirit is made up of Divine Spirit, Life Spirit, and Human Spirit. All other manifest states of being, are within Divine Spirit, and Divine Spirit is within all manifest states of being. Divine Spirit is. Its being, or is-ness, is both passive and active. The non active, or passive, or indirect, being of Divine Spirit verges on non being. Non being in this sense means “virgin to being”, from the term “Virgin Spirits”. If the focus of attention in Divine Spirit is on the passive, or non being, state, the active state is freed. This active state of being within Divine Spirit, is born, or, better, eternally reborn, as Life Spirit. Divine Spirit is personified in the Father and Life Spirit is personified in the Son. Thus the Son is the “alone begotten” of the Father of orthodox Christian theology. In this we can see a passing from non being, or indirect being, to active being. Divine Spirit intends, and in intending, it does not lose its omnipotence as it would in directly active being. Divine Spirit intends and, in intending, it does not lose its omnipotence as it would in direct action. From St. John’s Gospel we learn repeatedly that Christ, the Son, carries out the will or intention of the Father, not the active command of the Father. “The Father loveth the Son, and hath given all things into his hand.” Divine Spirit and Life Spirit are states of pure spirit. They do not have structure, specifics, or any other limitations or objectifications. If they did, they would not be pure spirit. They spirit things into being. Divine Spirit is sometimes referred to as the spiritual masculine, and Life Spirit as the spiritual feminine. Life Spirit has the power of pure imagination, or pure conception. By this it is meant that it can imagine the capacity of imagining, or conceiving conception. If if an image were imagined, or a conception conceived, that image or conception would be outside of the being of Life Spirit, even though interpenetrated by it. Thus, principles, ideas, and other concepts from Life Spirit are outside of it, in a state of being of their own. In the Rosicrucian Philosophy this state of being is called the abstract subdivision of the world of thought. Christ, speaking from Life Spirit, says in St. John’s Gospel, “I am the truth.” Following our line of theogony, if Life Spirit is truth, pure truth, then the principles, ideas and concepts of abstract thought, are truths. The descent is from non being, or indirect being, to active being, continues into a being. This is the descent from Divine Spirit, to Life Spirit, to Human Spirit, or Self. To know their selfness the states of Pure spirit Divine Spirit and Life Spirit, must project a being outside of themselves within themselves. Thus, universal objectivity is born via a limited objectification outside of pure spirit. The conception, the Self, is universal, but it has universal, internal, intentional limitations. Pure truth in pure spirit is incomprehensible to even the highest degree of rationality. It is supra-rational. The limitations within ideas, including the idea of Self, or the idea of God, are not to be spurned in the slightest. After all, it is through this limitation, this objectification, this externality, that the Univer228 sal Spirit comes to self-consciousness. Selfness-consciousness, if there were such a word, would be better.

We have seen some of the many benefits of self-consciousness in daily life, and in lofty pursuits. We have seen the divine pedigree of the Self, and we have seen its importance to the higher states of spirit beyond the Self. Can there really be a problem of the Self?

The answer to this question could be a theological or metaphysical problem, but it isn’t. The problem is a practical problem which arises with active spiritual aspiration. We are aspiring to more than self-consciousness. Divine union is our goal. It is more than “nearer my God to thee,” divine. We want to get beyond the Self, or the macrocosmic Self. i.e., God, to the higher states of spirit. We want to live out “not my will but thine be done.”

When we begin to try to live the higher life, we immediately encounter egoism. We learn that some of the egoism arises from the pseudo-ego or lower self, which must be overcome. In seeking, one can become preoccupied with the lower nature, and the struggle with it, which can actually strengthen it, and give it more validity than it is worthy of. Nonetheless, we do have to tame it, and make it subservient to the true Self. The sooner we can do this, the better it is for us. The reason for the haste is that the flavor, or soul quality, of the true Self is determined by the emotional soul from the desire body that feeds it. What we do is what we become. The Self cannot become base, and it can surely spiritualize anything, but one certainly does not want to feed it on the essence of the husks of coarse, selfish and sensual desire. Though taming the pseudo-self is mandatory and important, it is not the source of the problem of the Self.

The problem of the Self arises when we look up, not when we look down. It arises when one addresses the Universal Spirit, as in prayer, for instance. We address the Universal Spirit through the center of Self, but the Universal Spirit is not the Self. Universal Spirit is within and beyond the Self. In this regard, the Self is its own barrier to consciousness beyond the Self. This is the problem of the Self.

Various religions and philosophical schools of thought have arisen to solve the problem of the Self. There are many solutions, too many for a short essay, or even a lifelong study. They are deep, subtle and recondite, too much so for this essay. A few words about several of the most prominent philosophies on the problem of the Self are offered, to help us to begin to understand the problem, to appreciate the various efforts at solving it, and to reach the goal of this essay. Some of these words may seem childish and simplistic, to profound seekers. Please be merciful.

From some seekers, one hears the words “self mastery.” These words are even found in some Rosicrucian literature. It is a difficult and paradoxical combination of words. As in most metaphysical matters, the Rosicrucian view is evolutionary. In the course of spiritual evolution, one awakens to selfhood. As one awakens, one exercises the Self in creative, evolutionary work. In this work, the Self comes into its own and its powers are unfolded. This work of self-development is accomplished from within the Self. One might even think of it as spiritual, isometric exercise. There is no limit to self-development, except that the Self is still the Self, with the internal limitations of the idea of a being that it is. Self-development is encouraged for Rosicrucian aspirants. Self-development connotes something different from self-mastery. In mastery one masters something outside of one’s self, as one maters mathematics or a handicap. One cannot master one’s Self from without. If one tries, who is doing the mastering? of whom? Even if one allows self-mastery from within, which would curb some of the creativity of the Self, one does nothing to get beyond Self. In fact, in this light, an attempt at self-mastery might even make getting beyond Self more difficult, with increased self-preoccupation. In passing, it should be mentioned that, in practice, self-mastery usually refers more to the Self mastering all of its vehicles, than it does to trying to master itself.

Another paradoxical solution to the problem of the self is to destroy it. What is sometimes meant by these words, is to destroy the pseudo-self, the lower ego. Even that is not advisable, if it is even possible. It is preferable to tame the lower nature, and bring it into service of the Spiritual Self. It was engendered with the help of divine, creative hierarchies, and a dissolution of divine creations is usually not wise. When it is the spiritual Self that is meant, speaking facetiously, one can dispatch this solution in a shallow way, by asking “who is destroying whom?” This writer does not know if destruction of a Self is possible, and if it is possible, can it be done by one’s Self in a suicide of the spiritual entity, by the spiritual entity? In spiritual circles, including reports from some Rosicrucian investigators, some individuals create vehicles which they cannot control. Such personalities live on, without a spirit within, for thousands of years, using various forms of occult vampirism. A clairvoyant description of the withdrawal of a threefold spirit from its renegade personality is given in A Strange Story by Bulwer Lytton. The Rosicrucian Cosmo-Conception tells us that in such extremely rare cases the entity must wait eons for another creative manifestation for another chance. The Virgin Spirit cannot be destroyed because it is part of the Universal Spirit. The Rosicrucian Cosmo-Conception does not explicitly say whether the threefold spirit, the Self, is disassembled, or not, in these cases.

This writer suspects that destroying the Self is not the intent of those who use those words. More likely it is that attachment to Self, is what is to be destroyed. This concept is not foreign to Christianity. “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” The intent is, rather, to transcend the Self to Life Spirit. There is an analogy which is, at least, partially true. It is analogous leaving the dense, physical body so as to function consciously in the higher worlds, without the encumbrance and limitation of the dense, physical body. It cannot be done if one is attached to one’s body. The analogy breaks down because, when one leaves the physical body, one is still self-conscious, but beyond the Self there is no self-consciousness except that which is a reflection from the self. This is exactly what is reported, from some who hold this view, and who have had the experience. The experience is completely ineffable. Others, from other schools, with similar lines of thought, report that the general character of the experience of transcending the Self, can be impressed on the Self, but with the limitations of the Self. Hypothesizing that these reports are true, the impression is possible, through the Life Spirit component of the threefold spirit. In any case, this is something farfetched, recondite, and removed from possibility for most humans.

In the eyes of this writer, Christianity has the best solution to the problem of the Self. It is also a solution accessible to everyone, and not only accomplished meditators. It is simple. One gives one’s Self to Christ. In doing so, one does not abrogate one’s responsibility, one fulfills it and does so in a larger way, than is possible with self-centered orientation. One does what one does, but it is done for the Christ’s sake. In this, the orientation of the Self is shifted to the other, the universal Other, the ultimate Other. This is possible because the Self finds its purpose in the overarching selfness of its source in the Life Spirit, the source of purpose. This goes beyond living for one’s self, and it is universalized. None of these benefits detract from earlier mentioned means of getting beyond Self. Those methods are valid, and they are highly sophisticated, with centuries of development by many earnest practitioners. However, there is a noticeable difference in the descriptions of the experience. The more ancient and oriental experience, as described above, is more non personal. To some, the experience seems stark and even empty. To modern, western practitioners, the descriptions seem void of character, which, to some, is seen as a virtue. Characterization seems to be indicative of the evolution of consciousness, from the ancient orient to the modern occident. Character is a quality of spirit. A spiritual experience that includes recognition of character, is a richer, and more complete experience. Western materialism has overdone the appreciation of character. In the throes of materialism, people want more than the character of divinity, they want a personal God, and a personal savior, despite scriptural injunction against personalization. This kind of materialistic exaggeration puts something right, on the wrong side of the problem of the Self.